(This particular entry has been started, stopped, deleted, restarted, and re-written a few times already. Not that the version that gets posted will end up being the best, necessarily.)
I’ve been thinking recently of how broken we can (or should) show ourselves to be before eachother — how much of a mess we can admit to being.
See, I had this tendency a few years back to be brutally honest about myself with others, whenever a wave of introspection hit. Sins and struggles were confessed, and doubts about life and God were publicly hung like laundry set out to dry. I was broken and messy and wasn’t afraid of telling everyone and their mothers. The catharsis that naturally comes with dumping your baggage at the feet of others was gratifying, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t relish the “Rae, your honesty is so refreshing” accolades I occasionally received (particularly when they were from cute girls). There was even this weird, ironic arrogance that cropped up in me . . . as if I was somehow more “together” than others just because I gave voice to my issues. The 29-year-old me of right now would kind of like to punch the 20-year-old me of back then, actually.
[Don't be fooled — this kind of honesty only came in online forums (kind of like . . . what I'm doing right now). Actually seeing another's reaction to the crap you've just laid before them was a step I just wasn't too interesting in taking. Didn't seem safe enough.]
That tendency seems to have disappeared over the past few years, probably for a combination of good reasons (for instance, protecting the privacy of my family and myself) and bad reasons (for instance, thinking that real men don’t give voice to such things). I’d be perfectly satisfied with closing everyone off and putting up the “Perfect PCA Elder and his Perfect PCA Family” front if that pesky Apostle James hadn’t written that whole bit about Christians needing to confess their sins and struggles to one another . . . and since that happened to make into something we call “God’s Word”, it’s probably pretty important that I heed that advice.
So, how do we set our mess out before everyone without falling into despair? On the other side of that coin, how do we do it without becoming satisfied and comfortable with being “messy”? How do we create safety for others to be broken with us, and at the same time, have the courage to lovingly encourage them to get out of the junk that they’ve become so comfortable sitting in?
This video has been making the rounds in the blogosphere . . .
It’s a portion of a sermon that John Piper delivered at University Christian Fellowship in Birmingham . . . a college ministry that I used to be a part of. A few folks have been wondering here and there how to get the whole sermon, and since it’s no longer available at UCF’s website, I’ve uploaded it to this server.
I hope to get back to writing here soon. I’ve missed it, and I’ve missed you guys. Two rather significant items to mention quickly.
My employer’s client decided not to renew my contract, and I couldn’t be happier about it. I was on the verge of putting in notice anyway. The way they went about it was a bit shady (ie: no “coaching” or any sign that they were displeased… just… “go”), but no big deal. That’s what comes with working at an at-will state. It just goes to show me that I was indeed doing my job well. As it was, the commute had me on the road way too much (~3 hours/day), I was getting very little time at home with my family (~4.5 hours/day), and the rest of my time was spent either working, sleeping, or driving. Couple all of that with the abysmal pay, the non-existent benefits, the ever-mounting responsibilities, and the toxic work envionment, and it was just not a good situation.
As it is now, I have time to look for an enjoyable (not just a tolerable) job and time to be with my girls.
So, praise the Lord for (kind of) getting fired. Pray that I find something good quickly.
This Sunday evening, I’ll be ordained and installed as one of five Ruling Elders of Grace Central Presbyterian Church. This will also make Grace Central a particular church in the Presbyterian Church in America. The real work is about to begin.
For some intelligent, insightful, winsome, and often humorous reviews of live shows here in Columbus, be sure to take a look at my friend Joel’s blog, Just Standing There. He contributes to the local “alt-weekly” paper here (and is pretty much the only reason I pick up said alt-weekly on lunchtime trips to Chipotle. Well . . . him and the “Other Variations” personal ads in the back. Those are disturbingly hilarious at times.)
Check it out . . . even if you don’t live here. Joel will tell you if your favorite band is worth seeing live when they come to your town or if you should just stick with hearing them on your iPod.
My ISP appears to be having some DNS issues and I haven’t been able to access my site (or any other sites hosted on the same server) from my house in a couple of weeks. I can still hit the server from work (where I am now), but I generally don’t have the time (or mental reserves) to blog from here.
Hoping the DNS problems are resolved soon, but there are a couple of updates in the pipeline.
. . . that I am not my own, but belong — body and soul, in life and in death — to my faithful savior, Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood, and has set me free from the tyranny of the Devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in Heaven — in fact, all things must work together for my salvation. Because I belong to him, Christ, by his Holy Spirit, assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for him.
- from the Heidelberg Catechism, Q&A 1
(I’ve posted this in the past on my other blogs . . . and you’ll probably see it again here from time to time. It’s good to have a reminder.)
