Entries from September 2006 ↓

I saw Josh Harris at the Mall of America.
I shook Mark Driscoll’s hand and chatted with him briefly.
I sang songs to Jesus with a hoarse throat.
David Wells preached to us about the supremacy of Christ and laid the foundation for a great conference.
I had dinner and drinks with some new/old friends from the dotnet.
I spent some much-needed quality time with my wife.

It was a good day.

Amy and I are off to Minneapolis in about nine hours for the 2006 Desiring God National Conference.

Hope to see some of you there!

Most of you know that for the last few months, I’ve been working as Director of Ministry for my church. It was a rare opportunity for someone like me (no seminary degree and no “full-time” ministry experience), but since I’ve felt a call to ministry ever since I got out of high school, I jumped on it.

Thing is, I suck at administrative-pastor-type stuff (which is pretty much what this job is) . . . I can get it done, but inefficiently, and it stresses the hell out of me. So, my pastor and I had a talk a couple of weeks ago and think it best for the church, for me, and for my family that they find someone else for the position. If we were a bigger, more established church, they would’ve just changed my job description to something that better fits my gifts (teaching, pastoral care, etc), but as it stands, they really need someone to do the admin stuff, and it ain’t me.

Still, I’m really disappointed and discouraged by this whole thing. On good days, I’m assured of God’s sovereignty and care over the situation and know that if this is good for the church, then it’s also good for me. On bad days (ie: most days), I feel completely defective as a Christian, a husband/father, a man, and a human being. The last three years have been full of tumult and uncertainty, and we were just starting to feel like we were in a place of stability . . . and now this. I’m not so sure about this call to full-time ministry anymore, either, but I don’t know. My pastor gave me some encouragement, in that he sees definite teaching and pastoring gifts and abilities in me, and that he wants me to stick around and become an elder, so . . . that helped. Still, this sucks.

The plan (for now) is to go back to IT . . . which is fine for a season anyway, since it’s something I have skill and experience in. I just don’t want to be an IT guy for big corporations for the rest of my life. Being in ministry has really sapped away my tolerance for putting forth my vocational efforts toward fixing computers and networks, so Joe End-User can go about fulfilling some corporate mission statement. Obviously, any work is meaningful if done as unto the Lord, but at the same time . . . my heart is now in ministry.

I’m now fairly certain that I want to put forth as much time and energy as possible into giving people the Gospel and helping them discover and user their gifts in the local church to further God’s kingdom. So (in my head), the plan is to go back to IT to feed the family, finish my bachelor’s in something like network security (which should only take a year or so), get a quality M. Div or MTS, and then find a position in a church in which I can actually use my gifts, skills, and knowledge. Long view, and maybe unlikely, but that’s what I’ve got so far. (There’s actually a possibility of a couple of good seminaries that’d be willing to accept me under “special circumstances”, since I don’t have a Bachelor’s degree.)

Anyway, that’s that. A few specifics to pray for:
1) Pray that I would run to Christ with this despair, because honestly, he’s the last one I want to take this to right now. I’d rather take it to Mr. Frito Lay, Mr. Sam Adams, and Mr. Internet for a while, and that’s just not healthy.
2) Pray that I would trust in God’s care and sovereignty over my life, my family, my vocation(s), and my future.
3) Pray that I would submit joyfully to my pastor’s leadership and that the temptation to run from the church I’ve covenanted with would go away.
4) Pray that things won’t be “weird” for too long at church (people still treating me as if I’m on staff, etc).
5) Pray that I’ll be able to find gainful employment quickly.
6) Pray that I’d figure out just what the heck to do as far as discerning whether or not I’m called to full-time ministry.

Starting over is a hard thing to do.

I know there are a few (very few) of you who either check this blog daily or have it on your RSS readers. Sorry if the lack of updates lately has been disappointing, but I’ve found it hard to want to write lately, and the few times that I do, I find nothing to say. Hopefully, this tide will be stemmed some time in the near future.

Pray for me. Feelings of being overwhelmed . . . at home and at work . . . have really kicked me in the nads lately.