Derailment

Personal reflection time.

“Derailment” seems to be a recurring theme in my life. Derailment of plans, of dreams, of aspirations. Usually, the train that is my life has found a new track . . . the right track . . . after such an occurance, but inevitably, what immediately follows a derailment is a trainwreck. A huge, messy, bloody trainwreck with the bodies of passengers strewn about.

Sometimes the derailment is my own fault. For instance . . . I was one of “those” kids. One of those who showed a lot of promise during high school . . . high GPA, high SAT scores, an affinity and natural ability for science and mathematics, generally a pretty smart cookie. In college, sudden independence and a deep depression over the then-recent loss of my mom made for poor bedfellows. Laziness took over. Lack of focus and maturity led to leaving school, derailing what could and should have been a spectacular academic career. Since then, I’ve trainwrecked jobs, romantic relationships, friendships, and probably a bunch of things I don’t even know about . . . none of them purposeful or maliciously, but all resulting from sin’s remaining presence in my life.

Other times, derailment has hit me upside the head from elsewhere. A year ago, I lived in Tennessee. I thought that I was finally getting to a place of routine and normality in my life. My marriage was good, my daughter was growing like a weed, I was taking on more responsibilities at my church, I had a good job . . . life was good, or at least calm. Then I was laid off and couldn’t find decent work. Our reserves ran out quickly and we had no choice but to leave. Trainwrecked again.

Now I’m sitting in Ohio, at a place of relative comfort in my life again. We have a house. I have another good job. I have some friends. We’re in a good church. Conditions are ripe for another derailment.

This whole time, though, God has proven faithful to his word and has given beauty for the ashes of my life. I wonder what’s next.